July 31,
2014
So this is
what it looks like when Mars is ruling and has 3 outer planets under its
influence. This reminds me of when I
first began turning to ‘mundane’ astrology for comfort. It was about 1988. I had been studying astrology seriously for 3
years, and was familiar with how the planets affected my chart. I don’t remember when exactly I was reading
the account of the death of Federico Garcia Lorca, a Spanish poet murdered in
the early days of the Guerra Civil.
There must have been some emotional transit that day. All I remember is being completely overtaken
with grief at the end of the book. I had
checked it out looking for a biography of Lorca, but it turned out to be a full
length book solely devoted to the account of the start of the war, Lorca’s
concern for his life, staying in someone else’s home, hoping he would not be
rounded up and shot as events unfolded.
But he was. The author had to do
a lot of digging to get the story. No one
wanted to talk. I remember so little
about the book. There was an
introduction by Lorca’s brother. In
another book I learned about the plays he had written and the work he did
reviving community theater by organizing puppet shows. It seems like the book about his murder tried
to make it sound as though he were not political. But a review of his plays makes it clear that
he was behind some very provocative productions that questioned the traditional
role of women in families as proscribed by the church. Then I learned even later that he was
flamboyantly gay.
I was in
tears. Knowing about my chart was no
help. I needed some form of solace. I kept thinking if only there were some way
to mathematically quantify the energy that erupts in violence, I could see it
as a force of nature, and not be so incapacitated with sadness in the face of
all the cruelties lacing life. I knew
the answer was astrology, but my ephemeris only went back as far as 1900. To see the roots of the conflict in 1936
Spain I was drawn further back in historical reading. I suppose it was about 2 or 3 years after
that day that a friend let me borrow his computer to look up the locations of
planets in the 1800’s. I guess he logged
me on to the internet and directed me to the site with the ephemeris. I knew nothing about computers or the
internet back then.
I still have
the list of dates and locations of planets that I copied down that day. I kept going back and back in time. I worried that he regretted making the offer
when he came home an hour later to find me copying locations of Jupiter-Pluto
as far back in time as the 1600’s. I don’t
remember how far back I went, but that data fed me for a long time. I studied it to discern cycles; how often
planets met, where they met, and if there was a pattern in the location of
their meetings. It was indeed very
comforting. It was fascinating to see
two outer planets meet and then go back in history and try to figure out what
was happening at that time. I spent a
lot of time learning the history that overwhelmed me in junior high and high
school. History and astrology became my
consolation for all the pain and suffering that seemed to go on around me.
The sadness
is still always there. The need to
understand how such intelligent creatures can be so cruel and violent. Times like this it is not what is in the
stars now that helps me stay sane, it is the steadiness of mind that I have
gained from observing the cycles repeat themselves like thousands of variations
on a theme for centuries.
In the last
three years that steadiness has become a post that reaches down to the center
of the earth and comes out the other side.
All human history dissolves into the progression of the zodiac signs through
one 24 hour cycle. I am no longer angry
at books that advertise the secrets of the ancients. I know now the secret is only to be found in
the stillness of the mind; it cannot be described or explained. It can only be perceived directly by quieting
the mind long enough to perceive something as simple as the actual earth
turning on its axis.
Twelve
are the fellies. What man has understood
them? Dirghatamas
